Dear Registered Voter,
Your Republican Party needs your help this year more than ever before! As an unfortunate side-effect of our returning to the classic Family Values(TM) agenda for the 2012 Presidential campaign, we have pretty much written off the votes of the 10% of Americans who are Gay. In addition, we have lost nearly all of the votes of the 10% who are Black. That makes approximately 19%, (assuming that 10% of Blacks are Gay too). In addition, thanks to our bold measures to undo the effects of Roe v. Wade, the women's vote isn't looking too solid this year either.
That means a lot of hard work ahead for those of us who believe in Fiscal Responsibility (TM) and Traditional Family Values (TM)! Here's how you can do your part!
If you could just be afraid of as many of the following groups as possible, that would get us off to a great start! If you can make just one or two of your friends and neighbors afraid too, I know we can win next November!
Just pick the groups you find it easiest to fear and thanks in advance for doing your part for the Grand Old Party!
New York Jews
Free Medical Care
The Yellow Peril
The Gay Agenda
The Tri-Lateral Commission
Bill Clinton's Cigar
Jimmy Carter's Habitat
Barack Hussein Obama's Birth Certificate
Thank You for Your Support
The Republican National Committee
Be seeing you.