Death March With Sleigh Bells

     Thanksgiving draweth nigh. That day when Homo Urbanicus assembles in tribal clusters to gorge upon the carcass of specially bred mutant flightless birds and divers nameless casseroles until, all but the hardiest shamble off to collapse into a tryptophan-induced torpor. This he does in preparation for the high holy day that follows:

                                                      BLACK FRIDAY


     It is then, with the first light of the rising sun, that they are drawn to the Mall (n, probably derived from maul no doubt in analogy to encounters with large predators). There devotees of the religion of Capitalism lay down offerings at the shrine of the patron saint of commerce, Adam Smith. This day begins the month long festival that ends with Christmas. During this period they will purchase various trinkets to exchange by means of complicated promissory notes. It is thought that this practice gave rise to the alternate name for the seasonal festival; Yule, thought to derive from the first first word of the common exclamation, "You'll be paying for this 'till Easter!"  The festival period is also marked in some tribes by a competition to out-do the neighbors in creating to gaudiest, most elaborate array of flashing lights and lawn ornaments. The competition ends with Christmas Day (Rumored to have once commemorated the incarnation of a deity. Just which one is lost to history ) or the first rotating brown out, whichever comes first. With this second feast day the tribe reassembles and dines on another roasted mutant flightless bird and exchanges the trinkets they have collected which are ornately wrapped and decorated.
    During the following week the decorations are left in place and the unconsumed remains of the roasted fowl are consumed in a variety of unpalatable forms. This ends with the Feast of the Circumcision on January first which is celebrated by drinking of Ale and watching several contests having to do with ritual combat for possession of a pigs bladder.
    The high holy days of winter end with this celebration. The next festival is the penance of Lent which takes the form of forty days of self-denial that begin with the first reminder notice from the credit card company.


     Be seeing you